Niiamah Ashong

Today, we talk to Kristen Kosinski, a trailblazer with a massive vision. She has had a track record of creating and executing projects across multiple industries and businesses.

For the game that she is playing now, she knows that it is not enough for her to create the results, because to her, how she creates these results is just as important.

Join us as Kristen navigates how she can bring the next iterations of her vision to life in a way that’s aligned with her values.

As Your Journey Continues

How do you build a successful business and still completely honor your highest values? 

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Niiamah Ashong coaches a business development director in a Tribe 1:1 coaching session on the Outlier's Edge Podcast. The guest is launching a podcast built on long, deep conversations and wants to move past the fear of criticism that comes with being visible. What emerged is that the fear was less about listeners and more about whether the guest's family would see the work as a success, which opened the question of what success really means.

Episode at a glance

• Host: Niiamah Ashong, coach to outlier leaders
• Show: Outlier’s Edge Podcast, released February 29, 2020
• Format: session, 54 minutes
• Topics: Staying open to opportunity, Criticism as a gift, Identity beyond the work, Fear of rejection versus rejection, Redefining success

What this session is about

The guest took a gap year after high school, with an admission and a scholarship to study abroad already secured, and found that working on a government project that helped local brands and products export better taught far more than a regular university would. The guest then joined the family business in technology and logistics during a hard period, took responsibility for bringing in cash flow every month, and saw the company make its first profitable year. Five years in, the guest has risen from a very small role to business development director, in charge of new partnerships and big deals, and has learned to step back so the team can do their work. Now the guest is creating a podcast from the kind of conversations the guest has with friends, one on one sessions that can run four to eight hours, and has already recorded the first episode in a professional studio. Three years out, the guest sees the podcast as a place people come to understand the culture and rising economy of the guest's home country, backed by a network of trusted people who can help anyone coming in to do business there.

What emerged

Through a sentence stem game, the guest named seven benefits of criticism, from improvement and filtering out the noise to building a tougher person and appreciating the people who offer support. Niiamah Ashong asked why the guest would hold back from all those opportunities for improvement, and the guest named that the fear of rejection is worse than the rejection itself. Going deeper, the fear turned out to be less about listeners and more about whether the guest's family would consider the work a success, and Niiamah Ashong left the guest with a question: what if the family's opinion was not tied to whether the work was a success?

Questions this episode answers

How can a leader turn the fear of criticism into something useful?

Niiamah Ashong gave the guest a sentence stem, 'the benefit of criticism is,' and the guest gave seven different answers, including improvement, filtering out the noise, understanding the values not to compromise, building a tougher person and appreciating the people who offer support. The theme the guest drew from it was being able to stand up and stand by core values.

Why does one critic feel louder than a thousand supporters?

The guest explains that if 1,000 people support someone and one person rejects them, the thousand should have more influence, but because people fear rejection so much, that one rejection feels stronger and heavier. Niiamah Ashong links this to loss aversion from behavioral economics, where losing two dollars feels more painful than gaining three.

How can a leader become more open to opportunity?

Niiamah Ashong invites listeners to look at where they might have closed themselves off to opportunity, even when the world is knocking on their door, and to be just 0.01 percent more open in the week ahead. He closes by inviting listeners to be just that bit more open to being true to themselves, through a micro adjustment toward more of what they are looking for rather than doing it all at once.

What would an identity beyond work give a leader?

The guest named that work had become what defined the guest, and wanted other parts of life to define the guest too so they could bring more value to the work. Asked what a more robust identity would give, the guest said a clearer vision of where the podcast and the work could serve other people.

Whose criticism is a leader really afraid of?

The guest started with the fear of criticism and backlash from people listening to the podcast. Going deeper, Niiamah Ashong pointed out that it really seemed to be about how the guest's family would see the work and whether they would consider it a success.

In their words

The benefit of criticisms is to understand and appreciate the people that support you.

A participant

In not moving forward there, what would you be rejecting about yourself?

Niiamah Ashong

Are you willing to put it out into the world so it can be visible in this way?

Niiamah Ashong

Key moments

00:32 – Open versus closed, a key distinction

08:20 – A gap year that changed direction

15:36 – Long conversations become a podcast

23:23 – The podcast three years out

29:36 – Identity beyond the work

32:11 – Naming the fear of criticism

35:21 – The benefit of criticism game

39:37 – Fear of rejection versus rejection

46:59 – Whose opinion really matters

51:07 – Redefining what success means

About Niiamah Ashong

Niiamah Ashong is a coach to outlier leaders, host of the Outlier’s Edge Podcast, and founder of the Trailblazer Collective. He coaches leaders who are creating something only they can make: a company, a body of work or a movement. Make a difference with your difference.

Work with Niiamah: 1:1 with Niiamah | World of Difference

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Today, you get a chance to be on a journey with Hayden Lee. He is a master coach certified with the highest credentials in the international coaching federation. His mission drives him to help coaches be able to sustain and remain in the game of empowering their clients to be their best selves and do what matters to them so that the world can be a much better place.

As Your Journey Continues:

What’s in this for you?

Are you someone who has either achieved mastery in your work or strive for mastery in the standards you hold for yourself and others? Are you questioning whether you’re setting your sights too small? Do you consider the path you are choosing as too easy? If so, then you’ll want to watch every minute of this conversation.

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Join us as Trailblazer Zach Kleyn explores how to navigate a period of slowing down, letting go, and releasing elements of his identity that no longer serve him, in order to create the space and freedom to pursue what’s truly aligned for him at this stage of life and business.

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Your Journey Continues:

🧭RSVP to Blaze Your Own Trail Now at the next Outlier to Trailblazer Tribe experience: https://niiamahashong.com/tribe

Be more you everyday because you are a gift to the world. Game on!

~Niiamah

P.S… Ready to play at your next level? Here are 3 ways we can help you increase your income, influence, and impact:

1. Play at your next level with our curated small-group coaching program:  If you’re ready to be the least interesting person in the room, and to reap the rewards of visibly showing up in your life and business as yourself, we should talk.  Learn More
    
2. Immerse yourself in a community of safety and bravery: Join 12 leaders in NYC or Singapore for 2 days of intensive deep-dive coaching exploration to create more impact, influence, and income in your life and business. Learn More 
3. Be coached by me 1:1: Take your life and business to your next level with me as your personal coach. My clients invest $30K–$100K to transform their life, leadership, and culture in their business. If you’re ready to lead your tribe and move your movement, we should talk. Learn More

Niiamah Ashong coaches an agile management consultant and graphic facilitator in a Tribe 1:1 session on the Outlier's Edge Podcast about practicing being unapologetically himself. The guest, who was the first person to reflect the phrase outlier to trailblazer back to Niiamah Ashong when they met, shares how that meeting led him to stop modulating his intensity and to own his sensitivity and care for others. What emerged is the permission he said he needed: it's okay to put himself first, practiced in small moments, because telling others what he needs is how he shows up best for them.

Episode at a glance

• Host: Niiamah Ashong, coach to outlier leaders
• Show: Outlier’s Edge Podcast, released February 9, 2020
• Format: session, 50 minutes
• Topics: From outlier to trailblazer, Owning intensity and sensitivity, Emotional conversations at work, The four stages of learning, Practice as the path to change, Permission to put himself first

What this session is about

By day he is an agile management consultant, work he loves, and by night a graphic facilitator who, in his words, makes boring business notes fun; from the outside he is a successful scrum trainer, international public speaker and high-end consultant to management teams. He describes himself as intense, and Niiamah Ashong describes him as a person who exudes care and service for others, someone who blew him away with the thoughtful questions he asked of others in a short mastermind session. Since owning that intensity, he has brought emotional conversations into his work, once asking a hard-hitting manager what made him most angry in a report the guest had written, and he now makes great friends faster than ever before. He believes emotional work matters more than tools and techniques, and the need he names for himself is true connection with others.

What emerged

When Niiamah Ashong asked what he needs right now, the guest said he needed permission, and a short breathing visualization brought up the words 'it's okay, go.' The permission underneath was that it's okay to put himself first, and he reframed selfishness: to show up for others the way he wants, he must be able to tell them exactly what he needs. Niiamah Ashong pointed out that the insight can happen overnight but the integration takes practice, and invited him to give himself grace and to notice the triggers that lead him to acquiesce, so he can get back into choice.

Questions this episode answers

What is the difference between an outlier and a trailblazer?

The guest describes it as a reframe: he has always felt like an outlier, and calling himself a trailblazer felt better immediately. In his view, an outlier who has become a trailblazer is an outlier who owns it.

How can a leader bring emotional conversations into business settings?

The guest treats emotional conversations as more important than anything else discussed at work. He once asked a hard-hitting manager what made him most angry in a report the guest had just written, and the manager answered, leaving the manager's team asking the guest how he did it.

Why does lasting change take practice?

Niiamah Ashong says the insight can happen overnight but the integration takes practice. He draws on the four stages of learning, from unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence, and adds a fifth stage he calls leadership: being able to bring other people along.

Is it selfish for a leader to put their own needs first?

The guest named the permission he needed: it's okay to put himself first, a belief he said he is on the edge of fully holding. He then called selfishness the wrong word, because to dial into what others need from him, he must be able to tell them exactly what he needs. Niiamah Ashong adds that the more a person is willing to be selfish, the better off everyone else is going to be.

How do you practice speaking up for what you want?

Niiamah Ashong recommends practicing in micro moments, like when someone asks what a person would like and the habit is to say it's all good. He also invites noticing the triggers that lead to acquiescing or going quiet, so it's possible to slow down and get back into choice.

In their words

I've been modulating the intensity out of fear of overdoing it.

A participant

For me to actually show up the way I want to show up for others and really really dial into what they need from me at that point in time, I must be able to tell them exactly what I need.

A participant

The more that you are selfish the better off everyone else is going to be.

Niiamah Ashong

Key moments

00:02 – Difference to make a difference

01:35 – From actuary to learning and development

04:44 – What Niiamah sees in him

14:35 – Where outlier to trailblazer began

16:09 – Owning his intensity

24:24 – Emotional conversations at work

33:19 – The four stages of learning

38:44 – Asking for permission

40:58 – Permission to put himself first

48:13 – Grace and noticing the triggers

About Niiamah Ashong

Niiamah Ashong is a coach to outlier leaders, host of the Outlier’s Edge Podcast, and founder of the Trailblazer Collective. He coaches leaders who are creating something only they can make: a company, a body of work or a movement. Make a difference with your difference.

Work with Niiamah: 1:1 with Niiamah | World of Difference

Continue into Outlier’s Edge World:

Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn | Youtube | Website | Guild Community