Mary Beth O'Connor, appointed a federal judge in 2014 and sober since January 1994, joins Niiamah Ashong on the Outlier's Edge Podcast to talk about her path from a 20-year drug history and methamphetamine addiction to the bench. She shares how she trusted her own judgment, built a recovery plan that fit her, and rebuilt her career one step at a time. What emerged is her message that no matter where someone is, there is always enough hope to take the first step.
Episode at a glance
- Guest: Mary Beth O'Connor, Former federal judge and advocate for multiple paths to recovery
- Host: Niiamah Ashong, coach to outlier leaders
- Show: Outlier’s Edge Podcast, released March 24, 2022
- Format: conversation, 42 minutes
- Topics: Forging your own path to recovery, Trusting your own judgment, Principles over prescribed practices, Building a career step by step, Looking back to see how far you've come, Living as your whole self
What Mary brought to the conversation
Mary Beth O'Connor entered a recovery program at 32, and when its single approach wasn't a fit for her, she pulled out the ideas that were useful, did her own research and built her own recovery plan. She started over with a part-time administrative job, moved up through full-time roles and a supervisory promotion, and went to law school at 39 with six years of sobriety. She worked on large cases at a law firm and for the federal government, and in 2014 she was appointed a federal judge, serving five and a half years before taking early retirement. Today she uses her story in advocacy work and on boards to show people that they have multiple options for recovering from substance use disorder and trauma.
What emerged
The central thread is that the way forward for many outliers is to forge their own path, even when experts insist there is only one. Mary Beth O'Connor says having to trust herself and make her own decisions taught her how to handle life far beyond sobriety. Niiamah Ashong named her approach as respecting a process without being dominated by it, and staying true to the principle underneath a practice. She also describes how telling her story publicly let her be her whole self everywhere, which she calls liberating for the first time in her life.
Questions this episode answers
What can a leader do when the experts say there is only one way?
Mary Beth O'Connor asked herself how it could be possible that no one like her had ever succeeded another way, then went through the prescribed steps to find the ideas she could use. She says forging her own path was scary in the short run but strengthened her in the long run because she had to learn to trust herself.
Is there more than one path to recovery from addiction?
Mary Beth O'Connor says yes: about eight months in she found other programs existed, and she combined and synthesized ideas from several of them into an individual plan. Her goal in her advocacy is to let people know they have choices so they can find the right fit, which she believes increases their chances of success.
How do you rebuild a career after a major setback?
Mary Beth O'Connor says it is an incremental process: she started where she was, with a part-time administrative job, and moved forward step by step. She never set the goal of becoming a judge, but always asked what the next step was and made sure she gained the skills to qualify for it.
How can a leader build confidence while working toward a goal?
Mary Beth O'Connor tended to see what she didn't have yet, so she made a practice of pausing and looking backward to see how far she had come. She says that technique builds confidence and gives a more accurate picture of what has been accomplished.
What changes when a leader shares their story publicly?
Mary Beth O'Connor says she no longer has to parse what she says around different groups of people, and she can be her whole self anywhere. It has also let her be of more value: a former work colleague recently reached out to her for guidance she couldn't have offered when only a few people knew her story.
In their words
It's step by step and I had to start where I was.
Mary Beth O'Connor
No matter where you are there is always hope.
Mary Beth O'Connor
I encourage people to try to find just enough hope to take that first step.
Mary Beth O'Connor
Key moments
01:32 – The arc of her story
06:09 – The day before her recovery program
12:17 – Trusting her own judgment
21:23 – Building her own recovery plan
24:56 – Starting over with basic work habits
25:26 – Law school at 39
28:36 – Looking back to see progress
31:39 – Advocating for multiple paths
35:12 – Going public with her story
39:46 – There is always hope
About Niiamah Ashong
Niiamah Ashong is a coach to outlier leaders, host of the Outlier’s Edge Podcast, and founder of the Trailblazer Collective. He coaches leaders who are creating something only they can make: a company, a body of work or a movement. Make a difference with your difference.
Work with Niiamah: 1:1 with Niiamah | World of Difference
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