Paul Kan, an explorer of possibility who is bringing a people-first approach to the hospitality industry, joins Niiamah Ashong on the Outlier's Edge Podcast to talk about living beyond limits. He shares how he learned to stop resisting his disruptive nature and make it work for him, in his own life and in his work with restaurants, where he champions putting people before plates. What emerged is that no part of a person can be cut off without losing its gift: the flip side of anger is passion, and every emotion can be channeled toward what a person wants to create.
Episode at a glance
- Guest: Paul Kan, Explorer of possibility bringing a people-first approach to the hospitality industry
- Host: Niiamah Ashong, coach to outlier leaders
- Show: Outlier’s Edge Podcast, released April 14, 2023
- Format: conversation, 47 minutes
- Topics: Self-knowledge, Coloring outside the lines, People before plates, The double edge of being an outlier, Anger and passion, Channeling emotion with intention
What Paul brought to the conversation
Paul Kan describes himself as a discoverer of possibility who doesn't color within the lines. He grew up in a household where the expectation was to fit in a box, and he left his corporate job after realizing the corporate ladder and the white picket fence were a limitation rather than the horizon. He wakes up every day asking whether there is a different way. Today he serves the hospitality industry as a disruptor, asking restaurants to see their people, not their food, as their most important asset.
What emerged
The central insight is that no part of a person can be cut off without losing what it brings. Paul Kan spent about 30 years trying not to be disruptive, and now he is learning to be in relationship with that trait and make it work for him. The same goes for emotions: pushing down anger also flattens joy, and the flip side of anger is passion. Niiamah Ashong took it further: global change needs access to every emotion, harnessed and applied toward the goals that call for it, and the two landed on a line from Paul Kan's mentor: it's okay to be angry, just not on people.
Questions this episode answers
Why should restaurants put people before plates?
Paul Kan says many restaurants focus on the food, the dining experience, the ambiance and the design, but not on how they treat people, in an industry often viewed as entry level and minimum wage. He sees a restaurant's most important asset as the people serving the food and running the business, and he asks what could be possible if the industry changed how it develops its talent and brings out the best in its people.
Can a leader's natural gift also be their biggest challenge?
Paul Kan says a person's gift is often also their biggest challenge to overcome. He spent about 30 years trying not to be disruptive and wanting to fit in, which felt like constantly fighting with himself, and he is now learning to be in relationship with that trait instead of resisting it. Niiamah Ashong calls this the double edge of being an outlier.
Why doesn't getting rid of a so-called bad trait work?
Paul Kan learned from a mentor that a person can't get rid of a part of themselves without cutting off half of their potential. When he pushed his anger down, he flatlined all his emotions and lost joy and excitement too, until he realized the flip side of anger is passion, the same energy. He applies the same lens elsewhere: nervousness carries the same energy as excitement, and once he stopped resisting being a night owl, he arranged his schedule around his most creative hours.
Can anger be useful for a leader creating change?
Paul Kan says no revolution or transformation ever happened because everything was peaceful and calm; it came from outrage that things need to change. He sees anger itself as neutral: it can be destructive or the catalyst for true change, depending on where it is channeled and the intention behind it. Niiamah Ashong noticed that the word outrageous holds the word rage, and that he can't bring outrageous effort to a mission without being willing to be outraged by how people are treated.
Why is forced optimism a problem in business?
Paul Kan says forced optimism is a downfall for many businesses, because it takes courage to acknowledge what isn't working, and there's no way to move forward from something that isn't faced. Emotions that are pushed down don't go anywhere, like a volcano or a shaken soda bottle, until they come out in a destructive way. Niiamah Ashong recalled a time his own joy became looking at the bright side when someone needed space for grief.
In their words
One of the best things you could do for yourself is really get to know yourself.
Paul Kan
You can't get rid of just one emotion, when you get rid of an emotion you get rid of all emotions.
Paul Kan
The flip side of anger is actually passion, it's the same energy, what do you want to do with that energy?
Paul Kan
Key moments
06:12 – Coloring outside the lines
09:52 – People before plates
17:14 – A gift that is also a challenge
20:18 – The double edge of being an outlier
21:21 – From negative to neutral to positive
26:34 – Anger and passion, the same energy
28:42 – Working with his natural rhythm
32:16 – The rage inside outrageous
36:56 – Authentic, but not on people
39:31 – The cost of forced optimism
About Niiamah Ashong
Niiamah Ashong is a coach to outlier leaders, host of the Outlier’s Edge Podcast, and founder of the Trailblazer Collective. He coaches leaders who are creating something only they can make: a company, a body of work or a movement. Make a difference with your difference.
Work with Niiamah: 1:1 with Niiamah | World of Difference
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