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Niiamah Ashong leads a Tribe group coaching session on the Outlier's Edge Podcast, one of his courageous conversations, on the courage it takes for each participant to speak their truth. Through reflection questions and open discussion, the group explores truth as perspective, truth as a burden, and who wins when someone stays quiet. What emerged is a practice: create the space for truth in the moment, through agreements and invitations, so it can be spoken without being invasive.

Episode at a glance

Host: Niiamah Ashong, coach to outlier leaders
Show: Outlier’s Edge Podcast, released July 28, 2020
Format: session, 62 minutes
Topics: What truth means to each person, Truth as perspective, When truth feels like a burden, Speaking up in difficult environments, Asking who wins from silence, Creating agreements in the moment

What this session is about

The participants came as members of the Tribe, which Niiamah Ashong describes as a group of outliers, trailblazers, mavericks and pioneers who want to use who they are in service of other people. Three of them offered a working definition of truth. One sees truth as perspective and goes back inward to ask what resonates; another ties being true to oneself to self-respect and introspection; another is practicing standing by considered choices, having found that naming the value of a choice gives the conviction to stay with it. One participant named being rested, with an inner balance, as the condition for speaking their truth, along with respect for the people around them. They brought real situations where the right words were hard to find, and used the session to practice.

What emerged

The circle kept returning to one tension: truth can feel like a burden or an invasion for others, so silence can look like respect. Niiamah Ashong offered a question that had become a practice of his, asking who wins when he doesn't speak up, and pointed out that social norms are a great way to keep people in line. A participant named the guide that settles it for them: the heart is the captain and the mind is the crew, so truth offered with compassion and the intent to help is welcome, and truth spoken from ego is better left unsaid. Niiamah Ashong closed on invitation, saying the space to speak truth can be created in the moment through agreements, and that while it can be messy, the end result is typically something the people involved can move forward with constructively.

Questions this episode answers

How can a leader decide whether to speak up or stay silent in a difficult environment?

Niiamah Ashong shares a question that had become a practice of his: who wins by him not speaking up. He asks whether there are times when it's appropriate to share the burden of truth with other people and to hold people accountable, even in environments where it may not be received.

Is it ever more respectful to keep a truth to yourself?

Two participants made the case for restraint: one was once told that truth is a burden, so some things are kept back to avoid adding weight to another person, and another sees speaking truth all the time as possibly invasive for others. Niiamah Ashong asks whether something that feels burdensome can sometimes be a gift, and says that when he brings gravitas, the intent is for people to wake up and really see.

How can you create a space where people feel able to speak their truth?

Niiamah Ashong does it through agreements. He recalls meeting someone for the first time over coffee, realizing about 30 minutes in that he was posturing, and pausing to ask whether they were cool with him hiding nothing and holding nothing back. In one-on-one conversations he frames these as agreements the other person says yes or no to.

What role does listening play in speaking your truth?

One participant's insight was that there is value in listening, and that speaking up is not only about the truth but about listening as well. The same participant noticed that with ego taken out, there is room for both their own truth and other people's.

How does courage turn into confidence?

Niiamah Ashong says the courage comes from taking the chance of doing it, and that by practicing it in the world, courage transforms into confidence. In his view, confidence is the result of ongoing periods of courage, and he calls the session a practice zone.

In their words

Something that had become a practice of mine was to ask myself, who wins?
Niiamah Ashong

We're all going to learn from each other, but no one is teaching.
Niiamah Ashong

Key moments

02:34 – Three commitments to open the room

06:08 – What truth means to each participant

11:43 – Reflection questions on speaking truth

21:10 – Easy truths versus personal truths

23:14 – When truth feels like a burden

29:23 – Speaking up in toxic environments

33:59 – Asking who wins from silence

39:05 – Inviting discomfort to make space for change

49:19 – The value of listening

55:57 – Creating agreements in the moment

About Niiamah Ashong

Niiamah Ashong is a coach to outlier leaders, host of the Outlier’s Edge Podcast, and founder of the Trailblazer Collective. He coaches leaders who are creating something only they can make: a company, a body of work or a movement. Make a difference with your difference.

Work with Niiamah: 1:1 with Niiamah | World of Difference

Continue into Outlier’s Edge World:

One of the best tools I have had for transformation and courageous action is to create a game around the very block that’s holding me in place.

My purpose is to Champion the Leaders who are Shaping the Next Era of Humanity.

I don’t have time to figure out the right way because the Next Era is being shaped right now. But I know I’m aligned in my purpose, my values, my commitments, my integrity, my strengths, my support, and my vision of what the world will look like as we Reemerge.

For the last few weeks, I’ve been hiding behind a veil of “what’s the right way”?

Watch the video or don’t. But leave a comment with your “What’s the right way” question!

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