Christie Tate, the Chicago-based writer whose debut memoir Group became a New York Times best-seller, joins Niiamah Ashong on the Outlier's Edge Podcast to talk about breaking through the mental health stigma. She shares what group therapy gave her, why she chose to tell her own story instead of fictionalizing it, and how secrets carry shame. What emerged is her personal credo: she doesn't do her life alone and she doesn't hold secrets.
Episode at a glance
- Guest: Christie Tate, New York Times best-selling author of the memoir Group, Chicago-based writer and essayist
- Host: Niiamah Ashong, coach to outlier leaders
- Show: Outlier’s Edge Podcast, released March 17, 2022
- Format: conversation, 53 minutes
- Topics: Breaking the mental health stigma, Group therapy, Telling your own story, Secrets and shame, Serving, not pleasing, Intimacy through realness
What Christie brought to the conversation
Christie Tate is a writer and essayist whose work has been published in The New York Times, The Washington Post and elsewhere, and whose debut memoir, Group, was a Reese Witherspoon book club pick. She left a hard-charging law firm to make time for parenting and writing. She began therapy in 2001, long before public figures talked openly about mental health, and found that group therapy gave her the tools to be in her life, to have friends, a husband, two children and richer family relationships. She wrote the book for the person she was back then, as a love letter to her group mates and a sign that transformation is possible.
What emerged
The central shift is from image management to being seen. Christie Tate first wrote her story as fiction, and it had no spark until someone told her to just tell her own story; early feedback that the draft was superficial pushed her to be braver and more honest on the page. She came to see that secrets carry shame and keep people isolated, and that the mess of realness is the heart of relationships. When Niiamah Ashong shared his agreements for crucial conversations, including serving rather than pleasing, she said it gave her language she had never had.
Questions this episode answers
How does group therapy differ from individual therapy?
Christie Tate describes group as a more dynamic setting, with five, six or seven other people in the circle plus the therapist, rather than one person talking to a doctor. She first chose it because it cost a third as much, and found it was the process that helped her become an integrated person who could attach to other people.
Why do secrets make people feel isolated?
Christie Tate says a secret carries shame, and agreeing to hold a secret means agreeing to hold that shame. She found that her secrets and shame were working in tandem to keep her repressed and isolated, and she says that for her, all roads lead back to shame.
How can a writer find the courage to tell a deeply personal story?
Christie Tate surrounded herself with a group of writers who write honestly about their bodies, relationships and lives, and consumed art by women doing the same across genres. She says the more specific she got, the more connected she was to her own light and the more willing she was to give it to the world.
What does it look like to serve someone rather than please them?
Niiamah Ashong opens crucial conversations by saying he will hide nothing and hold nothing back, that he is there to serve rather than please, and that he has a track record of life-changing conversations. Christie Tate says years of people pleasing left her unable to bring her preferences and desires to the table, and that true intimacy and connection are on the other side.
In their words
It's really simple, all roads lead back to shame.
Christie Tate
If I had to have a personal credo it's I don't do my life alone.
Christie Tate
The more personal something is the more universal it is.
Niiamah Ashong
Key moments
02:34 – Outside impression versus inner experience
04:34 – What group therapy is
07:08 – Seeking help before the stigma lifted
11:42 – Why she wrote the book
12:44 – From fiction to her own story
19:51 – Feedback that made her braver
21:24 – Borrowing courage from other artists
28:31 – Secrets and the shame they carry
38:49 – How group takes her to the edge
45:56 – Serve, don't please
About Niiamah Ashong
Niiamah Ashong is a coach to outlier leaders, host of the Outlier’s Edge Podcast, and founder of the Trailblazer Collective. He coaches leaders who are creating something only they can make: a company, a body of work or a movement. Make a difference with your difference.
Work with Niiamah: 1:1 with Niiamah | World of Difference
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